Potty Training Before Two: What You Need to Know
Welcome to the Big Wide World of Potty Training
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Does hearing the phrase “potty training” leave a pit in your stomach? This magical time in the life of a parent and child is a right of passage. Teaching your child to use the potty is one of the first tangible things you teach them. Sure they’ve learned to crawl, walk, and talk, but those things seemed to happen naturally. Your child was intrinsically motivated to do those things. When it comes to the going to the bathroom on the designated porcelain throne, this is typically not the case. How do you get a human being, with their own free will, to use the potty instead of going to the bathroom in the diaper they’ve come to know and love?
Potty Training Before Two
The task of potty training seems daunting enough, now let’s throw in the idea that this human being you are trying to train is not yet two years old. Are you staring at your screen like I’m a crazy person yet? I’m going to argue that potty training your child before they even reach two years old is actually easier than waiting beyond that. My thoughts behind this are that first, the longer you wait the more attached your toddler is to the idea of peeing and pooping in their diaper. Second, the older your child gets, the more they realize that they are separate from you and do not need to do something just because you want them to do it. Have you met a two year old? They are some of the strongest-willed people in existence. Surely it gets better at three? Four? Sorry friend, I don’t think so.
Your 18-month old is all about you. For the most part, these toddlers are sweet little mommy-pleasers still. They are also beginning to want to do “big kid” things. They like to help clean up, they want to brush their own teeth, they might even be trying to put on their own shoes. I think there is a magical potty training window somewhere between 18 and 22 months. For each of my daughters, we started at 19 months. I’ll share with you a little about how this went in our home.
Potty Training: Child Number One
My eldest, Elaina, was my guinea pig- the poor dear. I was several months pregnant with my second at the time and honestly, could not handle the stress of potty training in combination with my pregnancy hormones. I was crazy to try it, but I had my mind set on having her potty trained before her sister arrived.
We started with the bare-butt method. No pants, no diaper, no pull up, no underwear. This method is truly the best way. The idea behind this method is that there is nothing there to hide when your toddler is peeing or pooping. Both you and your toddler are going to see it when it happens. This does two things: your toddler, who has never seen their own pee or poop before has an epiphany and you can act fast to scoop up that toddler and throw them on the toilet. Most likely, the surprise of witnessing pee coming out of their body for the first time in combination with the extra surprise of you scooping them up mid-stream will stop the flow of urine. You can sit them on the potty and hopefully they will finish what they started. The entire household has a celebratory dance party, you give that pottying toddler an m&m, and take three for yourself. It’s okay, you deserve it. Potty training is not for the weak.
If you’re weirded out by the idea of your little one’s bare butt all over your furniture, I recommend puppy pads. Everywhere. I’m not so bothered. The first day was atrocious with pee all over the place. I had read about setting a timer and bringing her to the potty every 15 minutes. It became evident very quickly that that was not the way to go. If you want your toddler to throw a fit every time you take them to the potty that’s a surefire way to get there. Do you have to go to the bathroom every 15 minutes? Of course not! Obviously, our toddlers have smaller bladders than we do, but not that small.
A few days passed with some success, she peed in the potty a few times, even pooped in the potty after she frantically ran around wondering where on earth she was supposed to poop now that she had no diaper. However, within a week or so, my hormones got the best of me. There was an incident at church where I was mom-shamed, and admittedly it knocked my confidence down a notch. That in combination with my wild pregnancy hormones caused me to give up for the time being. I instead put my energy into switching Elaina into a toddler bed (which went swimmingly by the way.)
I was glad to be done with the potty business. I hated it. However, Elaina decided she was not done with the potty. For the next month she would occasionally ask to use the potty. Sometimes she would just sit there and other times, she would be successful. We decided to try again when Elaina was just one week shy of 21 months old.
This time, we were ready. We moved very quickly out the bare bottomed phase and into some loose pants. We kept her commando for a while because the feel of underwear was too similar to a diaper, making her think she could just pee into the underwear. Within three days, Elaina was potty trained. By this I mean, she was consistently asking to use the potty and completely understood the concept. Obviously, there were still the occasional accident. Each month accidents became less and less. Once we felt that diapers were a distant enough memory, we transitioned Elaina into underwear. Accidents were all but nonexistent after three months.
Potty Training: Child Number Two
The beauty of the second child is, everything you do with them, you have already done with child number one. For the most part you already know what works and what doesn’t work. You know with a certainty that each phase will pass. Of course, all children are different, but with potty training, the steps are essentially the same. This time though, we had already done this once. We were potty training pros. I was also not pregnant, exhausted, and hormonal… That definitely helped.
Another thing I did not anticipate was that Laura wants to do everything that Elaina does. Laura was around 16 months old when she started asking to sit on the potty. She obviously saw the adults in her life using the potty, but really she was mostly impressed by Elaina and the cute teddy bear potty chair she got to use.
I decided that if Laura asked to sit on the potty, I would honor the request. What can it hurt? I thought. I had already decided, however, that I would not be potty training Laura until she was 21 months old. That’s when Elaina was successful, and we had a destination wedding and a cross country flight planned in the months leading up to Laura turning 21 months. I was not interested in trying to potty train during these trips. Just the thought made me shudder.
Laura had other plans. She was relentless in her desire to sit on the potty. One day, when she was 17 months old, she successfully peed in the potty. A little while later, she stood up in the tub, declared “Potty!”, and began to pee in the tub. I realized my timeline did not matter at this point. Laura wanted to do this, and as her mother, I was required to help her.
Laura was 19 months when she officially potty trained. I got her a couple of new potty books and armed myself with M&Ms and stickers. We started bare bottomed. On day two, I wanted to throw in the towel. If it had been my first rodeo, I absolutely would have given up, just like I did with Elaina. Elaina could have done it the first time around, I was the one who wasn’t ready. Potty training really gets to me, something about cleaning up pee and poop off the floor all day long burns me down to the wick. Anyway, by day three Laura really had this potty thing figured out. There was an accident here and there, but she was asking for the potty appropriately and happily putting her stickers on her potty chart (I use this term very loosely as her “potty chart” was literally a blank piece of paper on the fridge that she put stickers on.) By day five, Laura had her first accident free day. It’s been pretty smooth sailing ever since. There are still the occasional accidents, but they are only ever pee accidents and they only occur during long trips (those that I mentioned dreading) or moments where she is deeply engrossed in what she is doing. Laura knew what she wanted, and I am glad I did not hold her back.
Steps to Potty Training That Actually Work
Step 1: Look for Signs of Readiness
Your toddler does not need to be displaying all of these following signs at once. About three is plenty.
Asking to Use The Potty
Staying Dry for Longer Periods of Time
Informing You That They Are Peeing/Pooping
Hiding to Poop
Requesting a Diaper Change
Can Pull down their Pants and Remove Their Diaper
At least 18 Months Old
Communicate Well
General Curiosity About The Potty
Step 2: Prepare Your Toddler to Potty
It would be really confusing if someone picked you up one day without warning, stole your pants, and told you that you were now only allowed to go to the bathroom squatting over a cowboy hat in the kitchen. Your toddler only knows their diaper. Up until now, you have literally trained them since birth that their pee and poop belongs in a diaper. It’s going to take a little bit to change their thought process on this. Here are some tips to make the start of potty training a little less stressful for your toddler before you even begin.
Potty Talk: Talk about the potty at every opportunity. If you say your toddler doesn’t follow you into the bathroom, I don’t know who you think you’re kidding. We are all moms here, we know you’re lying. When they are in the bathroom with you, tell them what you are doing. Bring attention to the sound it makes when urine flows into the toilet. It’s weird here in the world of potty training. It may feel embarrassing. You’ll probably feel like a crazy person, and hey maybe you are a crazy person. We don’t judge here in potty land. This works. You want your toddler to make those little connections in their brain. The more you talk about it, the more they’re going to understand.
Change Diapers in the Bathroom: You want to start establishing the idea that pee and poop are things that belong in the bathroom. You don’t pee on the couch do you? Then you should not be changing your toddler on the couch anymore. This also gets them used to having to stop what they are doing and go into the bathroom with you when they need a change. To the bathroom with those diaper changes!
Flush Poop in The Potty: We don’t throw out bowel movements into the trash. Don’t throw your toddlers poop in the trash either. Turn that diaper over and plop those nuggets into the porcelain throne. When you do this tell your toddler, “Poop goes in the potty.” Again, we are trying to start forming connections across those toddler synapses people!
Let Your Toddler Flush the Potty: Speaking of flushing, let your toddler do this! When you empty their diaper into the potty, let them flush it down. If you use the bathroom and your toddler is standing there, staring at you, let them flush for you. Toddlers love flushing things. You may already know this if you’ve been blessed with a toddler who tries to flush their toys, their socks, your shoes…
Predict Their Potty Future: Explain to your toddler that soon they will not wear diapers anymore and they will pee and poop in the potty like a big kid. It doesn’t matter how much your child talks or how much you think they understand. Toddlers have far more receptive language than they will ever let on. Explain these things to your toddler.
Set a Date: Know exactly when you are going to start implementing potty training with your toddler. It would help your case if your partner was off work for a few days in the beginning. We love a long weekend dedicated to potty training!
Step 3: Goodbye Diapers, Hello Potty
Getting Started: When your toddler wakes up on the day you’ve chosen as the potty day, feed her breakfast right away. Do not remove her diaper until she has had a good meal. You want her to fueled up and as reasonable as a toddler can be for her big new toileting adventure. Once she is fed, tell her that today is the day that she will become a big girl and use the potty. Explain that diapers are no longer a thing. Have her help you collect the diapers from around your home. You can leave them outside and tell her that the mail man is taking them away for little babies who need them or you can tell her you are throwing them away. Whatever you tell her doesn’t really matter. What matters is that she knows that diapers are gone for good. The last diaper you will get rid of is the one she is wearing. Let her throw that diaper in the trash and roam the house bare bottomed.
The First Accident: This is about to be a pivotal moment. Now that your toddler has no pants, put your phone down. Turn off the TV. There can really be no distractions for this part. Get a cup of liquid, whatever you know your toddler will drink. Yes, even if it’s juice. We aren’t judging, Momma. You want to fill that little bladder up so you have the opportunity to teach. Keep your eyes glued to your toddler. The minute you see a drop of pee, GRAB HER!
Reward: We don’t typically believe in rewarding with food. Potty training has proven to be an exception in our house. For Elaina it was M&Ms. For Laura, the M&Ms lost their appeal after one day- mini marshmallows were her kryptonite. We also gave stickers to both girls which added some extra fun for them. Find something small that your kid would probably sell you for and run with that. It doesn’t have to be food, but man does a little bribery go a long way.
Positive Reinforcement VS. Punishment: There’s no need to shame your toddler for their potty accidents. Those are going to happen. Simply say, “Pee goes in the potty,” and seat them on the toilet. I did have my girls help me clean up their pee puddles, not as a punishment but merely as a natural consequence. There is pee on the floor, you kind of have to clean that up. You can’t just leave it there. They actually really enjoyed this to the point that I worried they would pee on the floor just to be able to clean it up. Luckily that did not appear to happen. Otherwise, load on the praise for their successes. This is a big deal. NO toddler has ever gone to the potty with such finesse as your little one. You have never witnessed such a miraculous event. That poop your toddler just did in the potty was a ten out of ten, standing ovation little Jenny. Toddlers of this age still really love to please you, lay it on thick.
Step 4: Getting The Hang of Potty Time
Battle The Urge To Give Up: There comes a point where you are really going to want to quit. You’ve been peed on, pooped on, your toddler screamed at you for trying to sit them on the potty… The list goes on. Usually on day two, there’s a bit of a push back from your toddler. Day one was interesting and new, but we are still talking about this annoying potty today? Oh heck no! They don’t want to stop playing and go sit on the toilet. What fun is that? Stay consistent. You are the parent and you are in charge of this situation. You’re toddler is testing you to know if you are serious about this. If you set the expectation that pee and poop belongs in the potty, it’s going to be a bit confusing for your little one when you put them back in a diaper. I’ve given up before, I wish I hadn’t.
Potty Time is a Go: Suddenly, usually on day three, your toddler is asking you for the potty. They ask and they go successfully a handful of times. You will still see some accidents, but for the most part, it seems like your toddler truly understands what you expect from him.
Your Toddler is Potty Trained: If your toddler is asking for the potty and eliminating successfully more often than not, congratulations! You did it! Your toddler is potty trained! Potty training in three days is a completely real, attainable thing. What a lot of people get confused is that they think a potty trained child will never again have an accident. It doesn’t work that way. Your toddler is not magically overnight going to stop having accidents. This is more gradual. I find that after three months, the child is fully potty trained with accidents being rare events.
Step 5: Pottying Blissfully Into Eternity
Phase Out Rewards: Slowly pull back on rewards like M&Ms and stickers. Your toddler may do this on their own. They may stop caring as much because they are more excited to get back to play time than to stop for a potty treat. Laura, pretty much stopped caring about her reward after the first week or so. If your toddler is really into their reward, just pull back and start giving them out more sporadically. This way you can start giving them less and less until your toddler has forgotten about it. (Note: Occasionally potty regressions happen. Trips, a new sibling, a move, new experiences can cause these. I find these can be solved by amping up the rewards for a little while again.)
Continue Verbal Praise: No reason to cut back on positive reinforcement through verbal praise. It’s always a good idea to praise and call attention to the behaviors you want to see from your child.
Enjoy: Enjoy not having to change 15 diapers a day! Diaper cream? Who needs it?! Diapers? Get ‘em out of here! Think of all the money you are saving on diapers. Go out and TREAT YO SELF for a job well done!
Potty Training Mistakes to Avoid:
Potty Timer: As I mentioned earlier in this post… Do not make your toddler sit on the potty every 15 minutes. That’s a surefire way to make sure they absolutely despise the potty. How would you feel if you were whisked off to the bathroom every 15 minutes? You certainly wouldn’t get anything else done with your day. Toddlers have very important play to do. They have things to learn. They definitely do not want to sit on the potty when they don’t have to go.
Ask “Do you have to go potty?”: Newsflash, most toddlers are going to exclaim an enthusiastic “NO!” when you ask this question. They could be peeing on the floor as you ask, and they are going to say no. Instead just say, “Tell me when you have to go potty.” If they aren’t telling you, and you know they have to go, just be matter of fact, “It’s time to go potty.”
Rip your toddler away from what they are Doing: When your toddler announces that they need the potty or you see them doing that all-too-familiar dance, take note of what they are doing. Are they playing with a baby doll? You could say, “Let’s show baby how you use the potty!” Maybe they are building with blocks. “Bring your blocks, and let’s go potty!” They will take what is in their hands and go to the potty without complaint. Rip them away from their toys, and you will most likely be met with dinosaur-like screeches and tears.
Potty Shame: Some books actually recommend that you tell your child that their pee and poop is yucky and shame them for having accidents. We couldn’t disagree more. Pee and poop are a fact of life. Accidents are a fact of potty training. The only thing you need to say when an accident happens is “Pee/Poop goes in the potty” and clean it up. Despite how it sometimes feels, your toddler is not peeing on the floor to spite you.
Potties Everywhere: Some recommend putting a tiny potty in the playroom, in front of the tv, even in kitchen… We don’t. If you want your child to associate pee and poop with the bathroom, that’s where their potty should be. We have one exception to this and it is in the trunk of our car. Get yourself a car potty. Wrap a pull up around the removable bucket and keep that bad boy in the car for emergency potty stops. (Don’t forget the wipes!)
Toddler Potty: Toddler potties on their own are not bad per se. You can use them- We do. However, your toddler should ideally use a seat that fits over the adult toilet. This cuts out the extra step of training them to go from toddler potty to big potty. We have used both simultaneously. I do like to have the toddler potty available for when the household toilet is in use by those of us already potty trained.
This is our favorite potty chair for over the adult toilet. This is our favorite toddler potty.
Screen Time: During those first few days, we strongly recommend you avoid screen time at all costs. You put on that TV, and your toddler is going to have an accident. Even worse, they are not going to even realize they’ve had an accident. They will be entranced by the magical moving picture box. You are going to have to keep them busy with games, puzzles, and dolls. You are going to be exhausted, just hang in there Momma. You can reintroduce screen time after your toddler understands the concept of potty training. When you do, load them up with potty related content. There are potty songs from Cocomelon, Pinkfong, and Super Simple Songs that my kids had a blast with. Daniel Tiger also has some great potty training episodes. Initially, we recommend only allowing screen time immediately after your toddler has gone potty. Then cutting it after 30 minutes to give you the best chance of avoiding a screen-related accident. As time goes on, you won’t need to be so cautious with screen time in relation to going potty.
Night Time Potty Training:
This is all fine and good you say. But you haven’t mentioned a thing about nighttime potty training! The reason I don’t have much to say about this is because there really isn’t much you have to do for this to happen. When you start potty training during the day, you put your toddler in a pull up for nap and bedtime. This pull up should be new to them, different than the diapers they are used to. Do not refer to them as a diaper. We call them bedtime underwear. Diapers are no more for you big potty training toddler.
Then as your toddler becomes an expert at daytime pottying, night time potty training will just take care of itself. You will start to notice your toddler waking up more often with a dry pull up. Lay the praise on thick when you notice this. Tell everyone: daddy, grandma, your unsuspecting neighbor. Let your toddler know what a cool thing they did by staying dry overnight. Once they’ve gone a week with a dry pull up, put them in underwear during sleep time and never look back. There may be the occasional wet bed, and that’s okay. It’s all part of the process.
You can make night time accidents easier by layering your toddler’s bed. Put down a waterproof liner and cover it with a sheet. Repeat this process a few times so you aren’t changing a whole bed in the middle of the night.
Congratulations, You Potty Trained!
That’s truly it my momma friends! You can potty train your toddler before they even reach two years old using these methods. If your toddler is already two, three, or even four, these steps still work. You can follow this potty training outline with any aged child. When I worked in ABA therapy, I used these methods successfully with children as old as eight. If you have further questions or concerns, please feel free to reach out in the comments!
